Spiritual Awareness
Regression meditation session

Message written by

January 12, 2007 at 09:09:26:

Hi Ken and everyone! :) Here's an account of a great meditation session I had. It's kind of long - this was a journal entry for my own records that I just wanted to share with anyone who is interested in meditation as a means to growth, too. I hope you all are having a wonderful day. :)

January 11, 2007

I did a regression meditation yesterday, using Brian Weiss’s cd “Mirrors of Time”. It’s similar to the other guided meditation cd of his that I’ve used a lot, in that you relax your entire body, imagine light filling and surrounding you, and then he counts back from 10. Then you go down a stairway into your garden, and relax there.

In this version, you first go back into memories of your childhood. I didn’t feel as deep as I sometimes have been, but I was certainly in a “good” meditative state. I was able to relive some childhood moments with clarity, even remembering furniture configurations, what it felt like to walk and be short like a child, snippets of time with my mother and father. I didn’t go back to an infant state, or in the womb, as he said was possible.

Then you visualize a large mirror in front of you, with many mirrors inside it, showing your other lives. He says he’s going to count to five, and you’ll feel pulled into one of the small mirrors…

I didn’t feel fully into it – I was able to visualize the garden really well, and I make a point to smell the wisteria and feel the cool, heavy white silk robe I have on (I wear that when I go down my stairs ;) ) – and I could see a big mirror, but I had to kind of push myself to go into a small mirror.

I wasn’t seeing much, and he says to look down and see what you’re wearing. I thought, well, I’ll just imagine something and go with it, and see what happens. I looked at my feet and thought (and saw) sandals – thought, no – bare feet – thought, no – then saw small feet in faded ladies’ work boots. I saw a faded, long, dark full skirt, and a work blouse. I thought, okay, I’m a farmer’s wife.

I saw my face – daintier and finer-featured than mine – and lighter hair, wispy and pulled back into a bun. I had an image of my husband (not my husband now, taller and bigger all around) running out of the barn with a dead child in his arms. He was hysterical, crying and screaming. He had left the boy alone for just a couple of minutes, and the boy had messed with some kind of machine in the barn, and had been pulled in and killed. I think the boy was trying to help with the work.

I was furious. I was so incredibly angry at him for killing our son, our only child. The husband was totally devastated, but instead of helping him, I turned away in hatred and fury. I had a vision of myself leaving him, in a carriage, going to live with my family, bitter and full of anger and hate, and knowing that I was leaving him to torment.

When I started to see this, I thought, Well, what would make sense here? What am I going to be shown? And as this unfolded, I had the wonderful feeling of puzzle pieces fitting together. It was a horrific scene, but I thought, Well, THAT makes sense! And was so relieved.

I had the understanding that I HAD to forgive myself for what happened to Ward, just as I should have forgiven my husband in that life. I had the understanding that forgiving myself now was like forgiving him then – it would make it right. I had to REALLY forgive myself, not hold anything back.

I’m reminded of when our cousin went to a medium and Ward showed up unexpectedly, with many messages. But the big one was for me, and was that I HAD to forgive myself. I think that’s my big lesson this time around, and seeing the pain and anguish of my husband in that life is helping me forgive him for that mistake, and forgive myself, too. I can’t be angry at him, and in letting go of that, I can’t be angry at myself. Of course I have to forgive him; of course I have to forgive myself.

(And speaking of anger, I wonder as an aside how much this has to do with the occasional anger that bubbles up in me and takes me by surprise.)

I came out of that meditation feeling so incredibly blissful, so released and free. I know, a skeptic would say it’s just my active imagination, especially since I kick-started the imagery. But the release and the understanding are very real. Perhaps it’s a metaphor that was shown to me to help me understand and release my guilt, by my spirit guide or my own divine self, or perhaps it was a previous life that I lived, or perhaps it was someone else’s life that I can learn from. I don’t know, but I DO trust in the lesson and the understanding it gave me.


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